Axon's Automotive Anorak: Mercedes G63 AMG – flat-windscreen'd '70s throwback

Bought second-hand, with a substantial saving on the official £136,000+ new purchase price, this two-year-old AMG G63 came fully loaded with more equipment and gadgets than my house. It was almost as big as my house, to boot!

My friend and his car-crazy kids had grown tired of his Porsche Cayenne Turbo and wanted a performance SUV that was different and less commonplace. His ‘Kardashian’ black G-Wagen certainly fits the bill.

As one of the few modern drivers yet to be seduced by an SUV, posh, performancy or otherwise, the point of the AMG G63 is rather lost on me. As a true car guy, though, I have to admit to being slightly pleased that such a reckless and pointless machine exists. With its huge 5,461cc V8 pumping out an awe-inspiring 571 bhp, this brick-shaped Merc is capable of accelerating from 0-62 mph in 5.4 seconds, and on to a top speed of 130mph. Impressive stuff indeed, for a vehicle with the aerodynamic qualities of the National Theater building on the Southbank.

Lugging this bluff 2.5-tonne machine around takes its toll in many areas, though, including handling, ride comfort, and the wallet. The published ‘combined’ official fuel consumption figure of 20mpg doesn’t seem too bad for such a hefty SUV, but in reality, so far my friend hasn’t seen much more than 15 mpg, and filling the Merc’s ample 96 litre tank is a long and bank balance-sapping experience, as is the 37 per cent taxation bracket bill that funds the G63’s high C0₂ emissions. Scary stuff!

So, what on earth has possessed my car-mad pal to squander his hard earned on such an extravagant and costly machine? Is he having a major mid-life crisis? Well, perhaps in part he is, but surely terrorising the windy country roads of the Chilterns in a weighty Mercedes 4x4 - originally revealed 45 years ago as Germany’s new military machine to replace the feeble VW Beetle-based 181 ‘jeep’ – has to be safer than risking your neck in a classic wayward Porsche 911 or new Italian superbike! He can even take his children along for the ride, and naturally, they love it.

So, having closely inspected the gleaming black coachwork, the enormous alloys and the ‘Playboy Mansion’ all-black leather interior, my pal handed me the keys and encouraged me to take the G63 for a spin, and boy, does it go…

The reassuring burble of the AMG’s V8, the firm ride, the challenging handling at speed, the need to constantly correct the steering with mild inputs to keep it off the green stuff (which surely should be the G-Wagen’s natural home) all came as little surprise.

What did shock me, however, was the glare from the flat glass used for the Merc’s windscreen, side windows and rear screen. With the beloved Land Rover Defender now history, the Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen is possibly the only passenger car still available brand new in the UK with all-flat glass. This feature really shows the Mercedes off-roader’s age, as the G-Wagen was originally launched to the public in the late 1970s when flat windscreens were far more commonplace.

Today, though, the reflections caused by the flat glass can be quite distracting and disconcerting. Over the past 25 years, you can virtually count the number of cars fitted with a flat windscreen on the fingers of one hand; the Citroen 2CV (launched in 1948), the aforementioned Land Rover (also launched in 1948), Renault 4 (1961), Jeep CJ/Wrangler series (early 1950s onward), plus the original 1980 Fiat Panda.

Today’s Jeep Wrangler still retains a flat windscreen, but its other glass is slightly curved, but beyond that, flat glass really is now a thing of the past, if you discount niche specialist sportscars like the Morgans, Caterham Seven and Aerial Nomad

Having personally driven many thousands of miles over the years in flat windscreen’d cars such as Citroen Meharis, 2CVs, Dyanes and early Fiat Pandas, plus my cherished 1956 Citroen HY van, I really should have felt right at home behind the wheel of my friend’s G63. Sadly though I didn’t, as the odd glare constantly bouncing off the G-Wagen’s flat windscreen and side windows was just too distracting and off-putting for me.

Perhaps it’s just as well, as I would hate to have to fund the running of such a beautifully engineered dinosaur as the G63, and I’d make a lousy hip hop artist!